the past should stay the past...or should it?

It is pretty strange to think about what could have been. I used to think about it all the time, you know. I always wondered how things would have turned out, if you would have seen me as more than a friend. Since we're being totally honest here (gulp), I'll reveal that I was so in love with you. I should have insisted that we actually go out on a date, but you know....hindsight is 20/20. Please don't feel like you have to apologise for your behaviour from 8 years ago. I have gotten over it, and truly the way things have turned out were for the best, even though it sucked at the time. 1999 was one of the worst years i've had in my lifetime. I met JT. Ugh. I met him the night you came by Wal-Mart and let me listen to the live Portishead cd. It was New Year's eve 1998. Who would have ever thought that things would go so horribly wrong with him? I stopped hanging out with you for him. *sigh* one of my regrets. I stopped talking to you, and jt and i started dating. then he left to go to Montana for 3 months. I ran away from home to go see him. I quit walmart and got a job at ingram. then i got into the rave scene and fired from ingram for falling asleep at work. Then I found out I was pregnant. I was scared to death! 19 yrs old and going to have a baby. I figured my only option at that point was to abort. I had an appointment scheduled for oct 8, 1999 to terminate my pregnancy. I went to the appointment and they gave me the ultrasound to determine how far along I was. to my shock i was 17 weeks pregnant. Of course you know that i didn't follow through. I just knew at that point that this baby was going to save me. and she has...in more ways that i will ever be able to tell anyone. she is absolute, unconditional love.